You Do Not Deserve to Be Married
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Weddings are a multi-billion dollar industry and it’s nothing short of astonishing that people will easily shell out $75,000 on a dress, a cake, and some Fleur de Lys napkins, only to end up divorced a few years later. If they’re lucky enough to last that long.
$75,000 easily adds up to an entire year’s salary for the exclusive purpose of impressing a bunch of people for one whole day. It often has nothing to do with getting married for each other but has everything to do with proving to people that you have the stature and the success they believe means the amalgamation of marriage. They’re right in their idealism behind the desire to marry, but they’re fooling themselves in believing a $75,000 wedding will ensure them marriage success.
I got married 10 years ago at a midnight chapel in Nevada no less than 10 minutes after we got our marriage license at the courthouse next door. We had two witnesses, my mother and her husband, and the ceremony lasted 5 minutes. The whole shebang cost about $200, no pictures, no flowers and no Vienna weenie/olive-on-a-stick/pimento cheese catering. We’d only known each other a week before he proposed and we were married a month later.
We initially began planning the garden variety fantastical dream wedding every sickening snot-nosed hag dreams of, when I told him I didn’t want to wait. I wanted to be married to him THAT day and not a second later, and within the span of one summer evening, I’d begun the most fulfilling journey of my life. I knew he was the one for me, without question and he always will be, until death do we part.
There is a level of love and trust in my marriage that can’t be paralleled by any other standard I’d ever even realized existed. I 100% truly, unhesitatingly trust this man with every ounce of my life. He’d die for me and I’d do the same. I’d love him sick, fat, bald, annoying, broke, old, ugly, feeble and stinking to high heaven. I am and will be by his side to see him through it all.
We’ve been through illness and hospital stays, family deaths, financial bumps in the road and a few episodes of near-divorce. We’ve paid the thousands in bills and mortgages, and juggled emotional baggage with seeing each other at our most unkempt in waking up in the morning.
We’re not the perfect fairy tale wedding couple on the cover of InStyle magazine that everyone wants to aggrandize. Nobody is. And especially not the couples who are being totally honest with themselves.
In spite of all those things, we’ve always known no matter how bad it became, we would always stick by each other. It’s called loyalty and unwavering devotion, and it’s something that’s so rare these days that it barely exists.
There isn’t a day or a moment that goes by when he leaves the house that I worry he might never return. He’ll go out for a gallon of milk and I’ll be sitting on egg shells waiting for him to come back safe and unharmed. I’ll worry if he’s even a minute late from returning home because things happen in a split second that’ll take the ones we love most away forever.
I don’t want to ever imagine being without him but I know inevitably, we won’t remain in this life. The thought of that saddens me most because I never want my time with him to end.
No perfect $75,000 moment would ever compete with every single horrible rotten day I’ve been lucky enough to spend with him.
That’s why people are lying to themselves everyday when they get married. They do it for status and they do it for security. They do it for their children and they do it instead of assembling enough courage to face being alone. They do it for convenience and they do it because their mother says they should and to keep the other person from getting fed up and walking out.
They do it for every other reason except love. What they don’t understand is that love is the only reason.
A lot of people who marry, don’t deserve to be held to the standard a marriage necessitates. They’re too self-involved and overly concerned with unrealistic lofty expectations of keeping “the perfect mate” glued to the highest standard of perfection possible, whatever that may be.
Heaven forbid we ever teeter on the fray of repulsion by breaking wind or belching, or making loud squeaking noises when we chew. We aren’t allowed to have bad breath or wrinkles, or look like hell when we’re sick.
Hell, we shouldn’t ever get sick because we can’t deal with the trouble involved in taking care of the dog, much less another human being. Better yet, the world and everything in it should stop if we ever get fat or old and can’t retain a perfectly round butt or a 12-hour erection. That’s what really renders us all totally useless, no doubt.
That’s why I tell women- if a man really loves you, he’s not going to pick you apart by your “flaws”. He’s going to love and accept them every bit as much as he does the rest of you.
What people don’t understand is that nobody is perfect, and we’re all flailing in keeping ourselves surrounded with the dubiousness of “flawlessness”. If you expect perfection in someone else, you better take a good, long, hard honest look in the mirror first and assess your own faults before you place the same demands on others.
Perfection is a myth, and it’s a crime that people rely so heavily on the concept of it that they’d rather chase a fantasy that doesn’t exist, than pursue the possibility of being with someone they could truly love.
You don’t deserve to be married if you can’t love and accept people for who they are 100% without condition. You don’t deserve to be married if you’re content to stay in constant judgment and criticism and you don’t deserve marriage if you have more love and concern for yourself than you do other people.
Marriage is in the stages of near-extinction because people don’t place value on the things in people that matter most. Instead, they live in a dream world that is keeping them confined and isolated from the reality of true love and real intimacy, and as a consequence, they’re winding up alone, jaded and unable to trust in other people and themselves. And they’re missing out on the best that life has to offer.
Marriage is about self-sacrifice and the garnering of complete trust in one another at the expense of pride, selfishness and inflated fantasies of faultlessness. When you realize you aren’t perfect, so too will you realize that nobody is and you may find that you’re ready to love and be loved.
Related tags: 8 Bad Dating Habits