ICTI Professional Training

Are you miserable in your dating life right now?  Are you, perhaps, wondering where you may have gone wrong in the past?  Sometimes the biggest obstacle in the success of your relationships is...YOU!  If you recognize one or more of the following bad dating habits as something you do in relationships, it may be time to reevaluate some of your behaviors.

• Not owning your mistakes:  Hey, you’re not perfect!  Maybe you have been too judgmental of people before getting to know them.  Maybe you were insensitive and broke up with somebody over the phone or in a text message when breaking up with him/her in person would have been much more respectful.  Maybe you cheated in your last relationship.  Stop making excuses to justify your past mistakes; own them, recognize why they were mistakes, consider how to avoid repeating them in the future, and learn from them.
• Online stalking:  The Internet is a great tool to get dirt on people.  The problem with online stalking, though, is that it makes you form impressions and judgments about the person you are stalking – impressions and judgments that may not always be accurate.  Getting a bad first impression of a person from the content on his/her Facebook account, for instance, will greatly change your attitude about going on a first date with that person and may even impact how you interact with that person while you are on the date.  If you have not had your first date with a person yet, wait to stalk him/her online until you have formed a first impression of him/her in person. 
• Putting your life on hold for your significant other:  Making yourself look too available by saying that your schedule is open every day or that you can cancel any other obligation you have in order to spend time with your significant other may send him/her the message that you are desperate.  Have more dignity than that.  Keep up with your hobbies, spend time with your friends – make time to be you!  Giving up doing things that you enjoy when you date somebody will likely cause you to harbor some resentment towards that person later in the relationship, which is obviously not healthy for the relationship.
• Ditching your friends for your date/significant other:  Yes, you have begun to date an amazing man/woman, and you want to spend as much time with him/her that you can, but at what cost?  You may notice that you are seeing less of your friends.  Some of them may tell you that they miss you and wish you would hang out with them more.  Take the hint!  If you alienate yourself from your friends, who will be around when your relationship fails, as many relationships eventually do, and you need a shoulder on which you can cry?  Remember:  Your friends were around before your relationship, and they still want to spend time with you even when you are in a relationship!
• Setting impossibly-high standards:  Remember that nobody you could ever date is going to be perfect.  If you set your standards too high, it will be impossible for anybody to meet them.  Every person you date will have his/her habits and traits that you may consider annoying or that may turn you off.  If an otherwise-ideal partner squeezes the toothpaste bottle in the “wrong” place or leaves the toilet seat up/down or snores so loudly that it puts the cries of elephants to shame, learn to live with and enjoy their tiny “flaws.” 
• Setting disgustingly-low standards:  On the other hand, do not settle for somebody who treats you horribly just because that person has shown an interest in you.  Maybe you have low self esteem and believe that it would be impossible for anybody else to show that kind of interest in you, so you are hesitant to give the person up, even if he/she treats you horribly.  I guarantee there will be other, better offers out there by men/women who will treat you the way you expect to be treated.  Do not settle for anything less than that.
• Carrying emotional “baggage” from past relationships:  It’s over.  It’s done.  You cannot change the past.  Do not constantly complain to your new significant other about how poorly your ex treated you; instead, focus on the present and how your new significant other treats you, and look forward to what will hopefully be a brighter future with this great person.  Talking too much about an ex, even if you are only saying bad things about him/her, will give your new significant other the impression that you aren’t quite over your ex yet, and you may end up destroying your new relationship as a result.
• Basing your overall satisfaction with your life on what is happening in your romantic life.  Maybe you aren’t dating anyone.  Maybe you are 30 and have never dated anyone before.  Maybe your significant other just broke up with you.  Maybe you are in the relationship of your dreams.  Whatever your romantic situation may be, it is important to not base your overall satisfaction with your life only on your feelings about your dating life.  It is one factor that could play into your overall life satisfaction, but it is far from the only factor.  What you may lack in your romantic situation, you make up for in other parts of your life.  Maybe you have strong relationships with your family members.  Maybe you have a high-paying job.  Maybe you are musically or artistically talented.  Maybe you do a lot of volunteer work.  Even if your love life isn’t the way you want it to be right now, there are so many other things that are probably going right in your life, so be happy about that.

What other bad dating habits would you add to this list?